thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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