I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
