We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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