9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
