do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
