I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
