Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
