i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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