I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
