He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
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