If i could tip my vagina, i would.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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