Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
