worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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