I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
