Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
