I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
