Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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