I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
