White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
