i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
