we made out on top of his cat.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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