tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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