1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
