their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
