I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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