He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
