So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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