ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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