i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
