4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
