Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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