remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
