dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
