hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
