chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
