oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
