I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
