You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
