i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
