it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Randomize
