What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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