Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
