Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
