i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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