I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
