Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
