I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
