Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
they need to just BURY HIM!
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
