she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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