I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
