I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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