yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
