I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
